You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
