tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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