we have officially lost it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
