If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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