Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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