I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize