My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
and she was petting her beer can
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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