It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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