Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
