so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
