Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
