yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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