you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
