So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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