I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry about my life...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
