I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
