So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
