so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
