i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
