You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
