We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
