What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
