i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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