can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
