Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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