there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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