you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
