just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
