A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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