Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
