Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
