I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
