first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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