you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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