I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
