I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
