Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You don't make any sense
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