you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
