Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
