So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
