I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
