I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
