So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
