hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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