I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
