I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
