By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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