then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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