mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
