I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
