Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
