We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
