Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
